Is your Behaviour your Identity?
So if you are truly wanting long lasting change with how you look, feel, eat and show up for life, then one of the strongest forces that subconsciously guides your decisions is the need to remain consistent with how you see yourself - your sense of identity. For example, notice the staying power of statements like: “It’s just who I am” “I could never do that, it’s just not me.” If you see yourself as a “stressed person”, an “addictive personality”, a “binge eater”, or a “self saboteur”, then you’ll keep doing those things because that’s who you really believe you are at your core.
It’s no longer a behaviour, it’s now your identity.
Same with being overweight? Do you see your weight in a very objective/factual way? Or even in a temporary way like being injured or having the flu? Or do you allow it to define who you are as a person? If you allow being overweight to define your identity and your sense of self, then you will automatically make choices that are aligned with that identity.
Let’s say that growing up you felt afraid or neglected, and you tried using food to distract yourself. That’s a behaviour. It’s an experiment in learning to regulate your emotions. It’s not particularly effective but at that stage in your life you don’t know any better and it helps a little. Some change is better than no change. If you repeat that behaviour enough times it becomes a habit. If you repeat that habit enough times it’s very easy to allow it to become part of your identity. Now you’re just going to keep doing the same thing because “that’s just who I am”. But your identity can change in a heartbeat! Ever heard of people giving up smoking just by deciding? They didn’t need e-cigarettes, patches, gum, hypnosis, or books. They had a significant emotional event - which can be different from person to person. The event itself isn’t what matters. What matters is that in that moment they made a decision. People do this with binge eating and weight loss all the time. It’s just that when somebody gives up smoking, the key result they’re looking for - giving up smoking - is immediate! With weight loss it obviously takes more time to visually SEE the result they’re after.
But the IDENTITY CHANGE is a rapid two step process!
STEP ONE - is to have a significant emotional event. But you don’t have to wait for life to give you one! You can either have hindsight or foresight. You can either experience the deterioration in your health, happiness, and quality of life for real… or you can see it AND FEEL IT before it happens. Actually imagine your negative health happening for real. That’s going to be horrible to think about, which is why you don’t! But it’s one of the most important exercises you could ever do.
STEP TWO - is choose to be your future self - RIGHT NOW - TODAY! See yourself as a slim, fit, healthy person (or insert the type of person you want to become - muscular, lean etc) with all the character traits that go along with that… It’s just that you need time for your physiology to catch up and become an external representation of your internal reality.
So that’s who you are now…. That’s how you think, feel, and act in every way…. That’s how you organize your life.... All your decisions, choices, and reactions in life are driven by that identity.
Make no mistake, this has to be an ALL IN choice! You can’t decide to grow into your higher self “provided it’s convenient, comfortable, and easy!”
Or what frequently happens, we get all “motivated”, inspired and excited and yet DO NOTHING to change our behaviour. The smoker who makes the immediate identity change still has to go through the withdrawal symptoms. That’s uncomfortable. But the identity change means they are the TYPE OF PERSON WHO is willing to do the uncomfortable things to have the life they want. Need help going through the uncomfortable? My next 6 week program starts Sept 20th where we walk you through new eating and exercise habits so they become your new behaviour and identity.
Reply back to this email if interested in taking that first uncomfortable step to the new you inside of you dying to get out.